In 2020, we concluded what I believed to be our lifelong journey of traveling on the road with our three kids: Joel, Silas, and Abi. Little did I know at the onset of that year that we would develop a profound connection to foster care through two girls who would forever alter our lives. Ms. L and Ms. A were the first children we encountered upon our arrival at Coyote Hill. Both were in the process of recovering from various challenges, and Aj felt compelled to share her story with us as we gathered around the table in the home where she was residing. What followed was a journey marked by numerous highs and lows, filled with heartache and hope. The girls captured our hearts.
In April 2021, we relocated from Coyote Hill, and the girls joined us a month later after the conclusion of the school year, settling into our new lakeside home at Lake of the Ozarks. The initial months were dedicated to building bedrooms and preparing our new home for the arrival of our new daughters, amidst the love, laughter, and inevitable challenges that ensued. Although our ultimate goal was adoption, the reality proved to be different: a failed adoption attempt with Ms. L lasting only two weeks, and a relationship with Ms. J that ended with her relocation to a group home, followed by nine placements over two years.
Over the past two years, we’ve devoted much time to reflecting on our experiences with these two girls, scrutinizing every decision, reminiscing about the moments of joy, and grappling with the realization that our love may not have been reciprocated. The most difficult aspect has been the abrupt termination of our relationship with Ms. L. We’ve heard secondhand accounts of her perception of our time together, including accusations of stealing her money. Recently, we unexpectedly encountered her at our community doctor’s office. I took the opportunity to express how much we missed her and inquire about her well-being, but the encounter quickly turned into a misunderstanding, with accusations of stalking.
The pain of losing a daughter is profound, despite our relatively brief time together. I hope she understands that our love for her never wavered.
About a month ago, we received a call from a caseworker. Assuming it was regarding a new placement, we were surprised to learn it pertained to Ms. A. She expressed a desire to return to us. After deliberation, my wife Kate and I decided against permanent reintegration, though we agreed to provide respite care. Despite being aware of her patterns and the necessity of establishing boundaries, upon seeing her again, all defenses crumbled. The love I harbored for her resurfaced instantaneously. I spent hours listening to her, empathizing with her pain and aspirations, particularly her desire to reunite with her estranged father and achieve lasting sobriety. I hold onto hope for both girls, aspiring for Ms. L to reconcile with us and recognize the falsehoods and anger instilled in her by external influences. For now, my greatest aspiration is for Ms. A to find solace and peace during her time with us, allowing her to momentarily escape the burdens and fears that have plagued her over the past two years and find comfort in the knowledge that she is cherished and loved.
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